On Cabbages and Condoms

Naming a restaurant is the easiest job in India. Any untrained monkey can do it. No, I am not being snarky here. Just look around you. Doesn’t the average restaurant name sound very average to you? I mean, you don’t need a Ph.D in Verbal Calisthenics, to name the outlet after the cuisine, right? How many China Towns, Little Italys, Punjabi Dhabas, Chettinad Bhavans and Pizza Joints have we all seen in our already-boring lives?

I’ll bet my non-existent-reputation that you won’t mind a restaurant moniker that brings a thousand-watt smile to your face. But how does one do that? How does one whip up an appellation that’s spicier than gongura and sweeter than payasam? Well, as any namer worth his sugar and salt will tell you, the answer lies in the good old pun. Let me elaborate with a few masaaleydaar examples.

When Rich Melman and Jerry Orzoff launched an eatery in Chicago, in 1971, they called it ‘Lettuce Entertain You’. Their sense of humour paid off and ever since, they’ve only been living out their salad days. Ditto with Virginia-based restaurateur John Yarnell. Life’s been all peaches and cream for him, after he rolled out ‘It’s About Thyme’. The point to note is wordplay cannot guarantee success. All it does is, to make the offering meatier. Take the case of the Mario Puzo fan who christened his fish and chips outfit as ‘The Codfather’. He could have chosen Seaqueen, Sam’s or even Supper Time. By opting for an intriguingly punny name, he just made sure that his take-away is talked in the same breath as the other Big Kahunas in town.

Another technique for sexing-up names is to be unabashedly provocative. A sushi bar in New Zealand raked in the moolah by picking the in-your-face ‘Fuk Mi’. One Minister of Family Planning in Thailand created ripples when he started ‘Cabbages & Condoms’ with the tagline: Our food is guaranteed not to cause pregnancy! Actually, the trick is to know where to draw the line. If you’re offensive like ‘Dirty Dick’s Crab House’, you’ll end up changing yours to ‘Eat crow’.