Cowshit Lane on Constipation Ridge

My wonder years were spent in the not-so-hip-sounding Pinjala Subramaniam Street - one of the many armpits attached to the upper belly of T.Nagar.

Every time someone asked me, where I lived, I used to cringe with embarrassment and couch the ungainly acoustics by shrinking the lousy name to PS Street. Like me, if you’ve had the misfortune of residing in lanes and gullies with downright mortifying odonyms (names of roads), then you’ll totally relate to the plight of those who dwell in Little Schmuck Road in Evansville, Indiana, or for that matter Cowshit Lane in South West England. As it is, we get a lot of bull every day, don’t we? Imagine how much muck you’ll have to take, if your street makes you look like a piece of crap!

Sometimes I wonder why our civic authorities put us through this trauma. Why were the powers-that-be in Arkansas so stuck-up with Constipation Ridge? Which murderous jerk in Michigan came up with Psycho Path for a quiet byroad in Traverse City? Why piss off Dorchesterians by picking Piddle Lane? What were the Woolwich jokers smoking when they thought up Ha-Ha Road? The point I am making is that, so many egos take a beating when you name streets, therefore the task should not be left to the whims and fancies of a few dimwits in the municipal council. What we need to do instead is, to evolve a naming architecture for our high streets and low streets.

The elegant city of Paris tackled this issue impeccably, ages ago. There, the educational districts have streets bearing the names of Lagrange, Laplace, Descartes and Fermat. Parks are bounded by lanes that evoke the memory of naturalists. Roads that lead to opera houses remind you of musicians. And historical sites are named for warriors, kings and generals. You get the picture, right?

Another simple way of ensuring that you don’t end up with a house in WTF Road is to be like Managua, the capital of Nicaragua. There the streets have no names! If you don’t believe me, ask the rock band U2.