A dog named Shah Rukh and a snake called Madonna

Hey you, celebrity voyeur. What we’re about to dwell on, is more supra profound than Megan Fox’s ninth tattoo. Yes, you guessed it right. The topic at hand is: Celebrity Pet Names and Their Seismic Effect on Wagging Tongues.

Remember the Aamir Episode that sent our nation into a paroxysm of mirth? All he did was to share the name of his housekeeper’s pooch. And that seminal piece of trivia consigned Obama, Chandrayan, Sensex and the Subprime Crisis to the doghouse. Such is the power of a provocative name, gentlemen.

So the next time you’re having a debate on what appellation to choose for your turtle, squirrel, fish or skunk, just follow some time-tested rules laid down by the titans of the Page 3 industry.

Rule No.1 is Think Like Vinod Mehta. Vinod, the saffron-hating-khadi-loving Editor of Outlook magazine, named his Labrador, ‘Editor’. Extending his logic, we can conjure up a delightful range of monickers that befit your profession or designation. Think of the possibilities. Saurav Ganguly can choose ‘Coach’. Sonia Gandhi can opt for ‘Prime Minister’. A husband can pick ‘Wife’. An employee can select ‘Boss’. Get the drift?

Rule No. 2 is Use the John Lennon Formula. The God of Beatles named his cat ‘Elvis’ as a tribute to his contemporary. Paris Hilton, perhaps, took a tip from this and labeled her Pomeranian, ‘Marilyn Monroe’. Sometimes it helps to deviate from the rule and poke fun at peers. Michael Jackson’s Madonna (his pet albino python) is a mockalicious case in point.

Rule No. 3 is Adopt the Celina Jaitley Philosophy. Basically, name your pet after your favourite brands, places, movies or things. The former beauty queen calls her Cocker Spaniel, ‘Heineken’. Ashley Judd, the Double Jeopardy actress, prefers the curious ‘Buttermilk’ for her Cockapoo. While our very own Ulaga Nayagan christened his dog as ‘Spartacus’.

All these rules work when you want your pet to be more renowned than you. But if by any chance, you don’t want any limelight, you can settle for the inane like Salman Khan. He had two dogs: Myson and Myjaan.